Sunday, July 17, 2016

The Door Girl, Part 22

This, as all of Door Girl, is a fictional piece of writing with bits of truth woven in to the fabric of it. Thank you for reading.

Part 22
Even though I was getting everything I thought I wanted, my heart was slowly dying more and more.
I didn’t realize it, but the 23-year old I had become was a collage of all those people from her childhood. The little girl watching Tom and Jerry. The middle schooler who was abandoned at thirteen. The kneeling girl in rice. The girl who could never, ever be good enough no matter how hard she tried.
There were Sunday mornings for church, school functions, mommy and me groups, potato salads…all of it. I did all of it. Because I still believed in the fantasy that the kidnapper could fall in love with me, flaws and all. That the people who bore down on me and saw all of my scars would be won over by how amazingly well I could do everything just right.
The vines, the damn vines, were multiplying and there was nothing I could do to stop it. The roots had voices that whispered in my veins, “You are your mother. Leave. Pull that car in the garage and shut the doors. Your wrists are beautiful and the knives are sharp.” The voices wouldn’t stop so I checked myself in a mental hospital.

Why did it seem like all the sane people were on the inside and all the insane were locked out?

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