About six weeks ago, our basement backed up with raw sewage. It is the second time this has happened and is due to lilac bush roots, of all things. Apparently their roots are threadlike and extremely invasive. And it doesn't help the case that we have them dappled throughout our yard. They are lovely, they smell heavenly, but I'm ready to rip them all out with my bare hands...can you tell I'm more than a little frustrated?
So my dear husband has been working day and night to get things cleaned up. That has entailed ripping out carpet, old tile, and laying concrete. We figured while we were at it, we might as well paint the basement and really freshen up the look. So in the last couple of days he has primed and painted the walls with the help of my charitable-with-his-time-father-in-law.
Thankfully, there is a little path cleared for me to get to the washer and dryer in the midst of all of the chaos. So two days ago, when I went to turn on the dryer and it didn't work, I was...perplexed. Hmmm, was it the plug? Was there lint in the trap that was messing things up? I don't know; I'm not dryer technician, but I knew there was a problem.
Dh checked it out last night to come up and break the news that he was going to have to take the whole thing apart. Deep breath. At which point, I told him, nope...we don't need another project. I will take everything to the laundromat.
This morning I woke up feeling a bit of despair. This is a slippery slope for me. One of my greatest weaknesses is negative thinking. So, I got out my Joyce Meyer book, "Power Thoughts" and read a chapter. There she was talking about how we can choose our own thoughts. So, instead of bursting in to tears, I chose to come and write in my blog...to tell you about my struggles today, but to cheerfully commit to remaining positive.
Retraining our minds to think healthy thoughts is tough, at least it is for me. It doesn't come naturally. Sometimes I want to wallow in my own misery. Or I allow myself to be overcome by extenuating circumstances. Sometimes, quite honestly, it feels as though I am clawing my way back to the light.
But not today. Today, I will smile in spite of my frustration and my dirty clothes...a small thing in comparison with those who are really suffering. I will choose not to be overcome by things that are out of my control. And to help me in this process, I will probably say the serenity prayer at least one hundred times:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Have a deliberately wonderful day, everyone!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Who is God for you today?
Have you ever noticed that you grow the most through the hardships you encounter? As much as I would choose to wish away every difficulty that comes my way, I hold on to the truth that I will come out stronger on the other side.
When we had our late-term miscarriage four years ago, it amazed me that the sun continued to rise each morning, while I was stuck in my suffering. I have never grieved like that. For the first time in my life, I woke up sobbing...I had actually been crying in my sleep. Talk about deep sadness. And yet, life continued on. Kids needed bathing, food needed cooking, my soul needed mending. It took a long time. But time does, indeed, heal. And in the end, I experienced God as Comforter and Healer. I found out what "I Am" really means. There are endless facets to God, many of which are only revealed through deep suffering.
There is a beautiful song by Nicole Nordeman that really captures this idea called "I Am". (Check it out by clicking on the link). I sang this very song at my grandma's funeral. It talks about the unfolding of who God is in our lives as we grow older. In the beginning, He is "elbow-healer and secret-keeper" and gradually, He becomes more...Savior, Redeemer.
For the longest time, I felt as though I could earn my way in to heaven. If I did all of the right things and prayed all of the right prayers, I would surely be able to make it through. I guess you could say I felt "qualified". I was doing all of the right stuff. But through honest soul-searching, I have come to realize that 1) there is nothing I can do and 2) that Jesus is my Savior. Raise the flag! Another new facet has been unveiled. He is not only my comforter and my healer, but he is my savior. I am a sinner in need of saving. I am no better than the man in prison. The Bible says that "there is no distinction for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). I am humbled by this truth and set free by it as well.
One of the greatest things about recognizing that I do not earn God's love is that my motivation for doing good is out of thankfulness, not duty. I am washed over with mercy and grace and because God is so good to me; I want to pour out myself for Him. I want to pray and be in His presence just because. I am not checking off my "I am holy 'if'" list.
Some difficulties in our lives are simply placed upon us; some are self-induced. Regardless, the truth remains the same: the opportunity is there to be made stronger, to be refined by the fire. Peter Marshall said, "When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure”.
The book of Hebrews states that Jesus is the same today, tomorrow and forever. And while I don't want to argue with the Word of God (read sarcasm), Jesus has been different things for me in different seasons. Who is He for you today?
When we had our late-term miscarriage four years ago, it amazed me that the sun continued to rise each morning, while I was stuck in my suffering. I have never grieved like that. For the first time in my life, I woke up sobbing...I had actually been crying in my sleep. Talk about deep sadness. And yet, life continued on. Kids needed bathing, food needed cooking, my soul needed mending. It took a long time. But time does, indeed, heal. And in the end, I experienced God as Comforter and Healer. I found out what "I Am" really means. There are endless facets to God, many of which are only revealed through deep suffering.
There is a beautiful song by Nicole Nordeman that really captures this idea called "I Am". (Check it out by clicking on the link). I sang this very song at my grandma's funeral. It talks about the unfolding of who God is in our lives as we grow older. In the beginning, He is "elbow-healer and secret-keeper" and gradually, He becomes more...Savior, Redeemer.
For the longest time, I felt as though I could earn my way in to heaven. If I did all of the right things and prayed all of the right prayers, I would surely be able to make it through. I guess you could say I felt "qualified". I was doing all of the right stuff. But through honest soul-searching, I have come to realize that 1) there is nothing I can do and 2) that Jesus is my Savior. Raise the flag! Another new facet has been unveiled. He is not only my comforter and my healer, but he is my savior. I am a sinner in need of saving. I am no better than the man in prison. The Bible says that "there is no distinction for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). I am humbled by this truth and set free by it as well.
One of the greatest things about recognizing that I do not earn God's love is that my motivation for doing good is out of thankfulness, not duty. I am washed over with mercy and grace and because God is so good to me; I want to pour out myself for Him. I want to pray and be in His presence just because. I am not checking off my "I am holy 'if'" list.
Some difficulties in our lives are simply placed upon us; some are self-induced. Regardless, the truth remains the same: the opportunity is there to be made stronger, to be refined by the fire. Peter Marshall said, "When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure”.
The book of Hebrews states that Jesus is the same today, tomorrow and forever. And while I don't want to argue with the Word of God (read sarcasm), Jesus has been different things for me in different seasons. Who is He for you today?
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