Who is God for you today?

Have you ever noticed that you grow the most through the hardships you encounter? As much as I would choose to wish away every difficulty that comes my way, I hold on to the truth that I will come out stronger on the other side.

When we had our late-term miscarriage four years ago, it amazed me that the sun continued to rise each morning, while I was stuck in my suffering. I have never grieved like that. For the first time in my life, I woke up sobbing...I had actually been crying in my sleep. Talk about deep sadness. And yet, life continued on. Kids needed bathing, food needed cooking, my soul needed mending. It took a long time. But time does, indeed, heal. And in the end, I experienced God as Comforter and Healer. I found out what "I Am" really means. There are endless facets to God, many of which are only revealed through deep suffering.

There is a beautiful song by Nicole Nordeman that really captures this idea called "I Am". (Check it out by clicking on the link). I sang this very song at my grandma's funeral. It talks about the unfolding of who God is in our lives as we grow older. In the beginning, He is "elbow-healer and secret-keeper" and gradually, He becomes more...Savior, Redeemer.

For the longest time, I felt as though I could earn my way in to heaven. If I did all of the right things and prayed all of the right prayers, I would surely be able to make it through. I guess you could say I felt "qualified". I was doing all of the right stuff. But through honest soul-searching, I have come to realize that 1) there is nothing I can do and 2) that Jesus is my Savior. Raise the flag! Another new facet has been unveiled. He is not only my comforter and my healer, but he is my savior. I am a sinner in need of saving. I am no better than the man in prison. The Bible says that "there is no distinction for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). I am humbled by this truth and set free by it as well.

One of the greatest things about recognizing that I do not earn God's love is that my motivation for doing good is out of thankfulness, not duty. I am washed over with mercy and grace and because God is so good to me; I want to pour out myself for Him. I want to pray and be in His presence just because. I am not checking off my "I am holy 'if'" list.

Some difficulties in our lives are simply placed upon us; some are self-induced. Regardless, the truth remains the same: the opportunity is there to be made stronger, to be refined by the fire. Peter Marshall said, "When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure”.

The book of Hebrews states that Jesus is the same today, tomorrow and forever. And while I don't want to argue with the Word of God (read sarcasm), Jesus has been different things for me in different seasons. Who is He for you today?