Capabilities of love, I didn't have--I was an anomaly. Like someone born without a foot or a hand; it doesn't happen often, but it does happen
And unfortunate or not, the way the dice was rolled, my heart was pulled out at a very young age.
I became the tin man and was afraid I might rust if I shed a tear.
A few months after I moved in with Lucy, I became a ward of the state. I was moved to foster care and given lye soap to wash with which burned by body from head to toe.
Have you been to foster care? It was one of the most horrific experiences of my life, to say the least. Being shifted around like a pet that everyone wants and then decides they were looking for something a little better, a little more malleable.
In my dreams, I woud fantasize about being kidnapped. At first the kidnapper would hate me and plan to kill me. But I would win them over with how charming I was. And they would parent me and adore me the way every child deserves to be.
Instead I was placed with chain-smoking Sheila and truck-driving Joe. They had three other foster children younger than me. Two were black and one was white. "Mama and Papa" would threaten to make me sleep in the hay loft with the animals if I talked out of turn.
The other orphans were lavished with attention and bought gifts. I was made to love them. To smother them with affection and if I didn't, I paid the price.
One day, that very thing happened. I didn't move fast enough getting a sippy cup filled.
Sheila quietly and very calmly requested, "Please go get the bag of rice out of the pantry.
And so I did.
"Now pour it on the floor."
And I did.
"Now kneel on the rice."
And I did.
I stayed there for what felt like hours. Nothing could win them over. The tin man could not captivate her captors, no matter how deeply she let the rice grind in to her knees.
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