A friend of mine's baby boy passed away just weeks ago. He was born healthy and for whatever reason, he is not here with us today.
And I have to ask, "Why?" Why are some called to endure such deep suffering...life-altering suffering? I don't pretend to know why, and my heart aches for an answer.
I have never been a fan of the expression, "Everything happens for a reason." I just don't believe that's true. Or "It was meant to be." Maybe those are the lies we tell ourselves and others to offer some semblance of comfort.
We often try to put ourselves in their shoes. We try to fix it. Put a band-aid on it. Make it go away. But that is not in our power. It is simply ours to walk along side those who are suffering and perhaps carry a corner of their cross.
The best advice I was ever given during a time of suffering was, "Cry your heart out. Allow yourself to grieve and to be sad. Take your time." It was validating to have someone acknowledge that what I was going through really sucked instead of having them try to sweep it under the rug.
There is a suffering that many of us will never know. A deep, hollowing suffering. My friends who are going through that right now, please know I want to help you carry your cross. I don't believe it was God's plan. I don't think that it was meant to be. Many hearts are broken for you tonight.
I feel like I need to thank you... love you friend.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with you! I hate the expressions: It was meant to be. God has a plan.
ReplyDeleteI, once, read that only women who have been trough all this mess we've been trough can truly understand what the others are feeling. I will email you a few books and web sites I found useful for me!!
Miss you
It's a mystery, why some have to suffer such losses. I do believe the best gift we can give someone who has suffered is just our unflinching presence. To be a witness to their heartache, to stand fast when they need to howl, to be willing to tolerate the silence that only grief can create in the space between two friends. There is no fixing it, but being a fortress for each other when the rains come is a true blessing. You are that I'm sure Kendra. You have a good heart, a kind heart and you have known suffering as well.
ReplyDeleteHello we met at Dr Youngs today....I couldn't help but pull your blog up! I read this and I can TOTALLY relate to your friend. My son Shawn Gabriel passed away 2 hours after his birth due to extreme prematurity. The only advice I can give is be there in a year to hold her hand. Many forget about someones loss but it means the world when years later someone understands what "that" day means to you. Shawn has been gone seven years July 16th of this year and the day haunts me still. I think of him everyday but when it was fresh I had good and bad days. I got tired of hearing "I'm so sorry for your loss" and all the stories people would share with me about a loss they suffered would make my skin crawl. It truly is worst thing that has ever happened to me and my husband. I read a book called Empty Cradle Broken Heart which help me grieve. Also when I really want to get it out and cry I listen to a song called "Hello, goodbye" by Micheal W Smith. Let me warn you and your friend this song will break you!! It does me still but in a way its my way to remember Shawn.
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