Kindergarten Quandaries

I don't really remember much about kindergarten, but it seems that it was playing with blocks, learning the abc's and more of a glorified playtime. I don't remember social pressure, girls picking on each other and feeling anxious about school. Now, that's not to say it didn't happen, but I sure don't remember it. Cindy-Lou Who has begun to feel anxious lately about the school that she once loved so much. The other day, she was very insistent that she didn't want to go to school and was drumming up a pretty convincing cough. Dh said, "It's kindergarten--let her take the day off". Later in the day, I asked her if something was bothering her that made her feel like she didn't want to go to school. She burst in to tears and said she missed a problem on her math test. I explained to her that school is about learning, not perfection. We had a "heart to heart" and with that, she was ready to return the next day. After school the following day, I asked, "How was school?". Again, her eyes filled with tears as she explained that some of the girls told her they wouldn't be her friend anymore if she didn't spend her free time making invitations for a production they were putting together. "Mom, I just wanted a break!" she sobbed. My heart ached for her, understanding the desire to do your own thing, but also wanting to be accepted by others. This scenario with the other girls went on for a couple of weeks before I finally talked to her teacher, who was very encouraging and understanding. The teacher gave Cindy-Lou Who a "Jesus necklace" and told her whenever she feels nervous or shy, to squeeze the necklace and say, "Jesus, keep me strong and safe". (This makes the money that we spend on a christian education well worth-while). She also called a meeting with the girls in the class to talk to them about how hurtful exclusion is and encouraged them to be kind to one another. Unfortunately, that did not discourage the negative behavior. After a couple more days, I decided to talk to one of the parents. I basically said, "These girls are going to be in school together for the next 8 years; how can we remedy this situation?". The father was very receptive and even talked to me later to tell me he had addressed the situation at home. Thanks, dad. At first, my husband had said, "Don't say anything; let them work it out". But that got me to thinking...how often do we do that with our kids without giving them the tools to actually work it out? Do 5 and 6-year olds really know how to work it out? I don't think that they do. I think they need a lot of guidance and an example of parents sticking together and showing them how to problem solve. My hope for my kids as they're learning to interact socially is that they will feel safe, secure and loved. It is also that they will be able to trust the adults around them to make that happen. When a child is learning to tie his shoes for the first time, you don't just toss a shoe at him and say, "Figure it out". You sit down with him, instruct him, possibly teach him a song...it could take weeks, or even months to master this skill. It is the same with problem-solving and social skills. And with that, I will say that I'm lucky to have my kids go to school with other kids who have such great parents. I hope that if we work as a team, our kids will build life-long healthy relationships. Throw in a Jesus necklace and lots of prayers, and I think we'll be on the right track.