I Want to be King!

I love this picture. Dear husband (dh) says it looks like Dynamite is shouting, "I AM KING OF THE WORRRLLLLD!". On that note, I wanted to share a fabulous quote from Marianne Williamson's book, A Return to Love:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. You were born to manifest the glory of God that is within you. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Wow! This is powerful stuff. How often do we find ourselves filling our minds with negative self-talk? For example, "I'm too old to play an instrument well, why bother trying?" or "I haven't written anything in ages, I don't even think I can anymore". We allow the nay-saying to stifle out new possibilities. We hang our heads feeling defeated when we haven't even gotten out of the gate. Talk about being unfair!

As a kid, I can remember feeling embarrassed that I enjoyed reading. I recall being laughed at when I used a word like "catapulted" instead of "jumped". I was ashamed of what I loved, because it made me different. God forbid that I draw any attention to myself and step outside of the safe circle of mediocrity. We see children make fun of others all the time because something is different about them. They are thinner, they are fatter, they are smarter, they are shorter. We grow up with the voices calling out, "Don't be different! Don't stand out!". And we gradually learn to internalize those voices. And if we allow them to, the voices deter us from becoming the person we were meant to be.

Remember, who are you not to be amazing? Choose not to be stifled. Choose to be incredible. It is what you were created for.

“There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.” -Howard Thurman

A little Moonlight Sonata, please?

Remember how I was writing about being disorganized and forgetful? Well, this morning was a perfect example. I woke up and was lazily sipping my coffee while the kids played. Dh decided to go over to my parents' to work on their computer and the three musketeers wanted to tag along. As they were all piling in the car, I remembered, oh no!, I made plans to go to dh's aunt's house which is an hour and a half away. At this point, it was roughly ten o'clock and I was still in my jammies. Let the William Tell Overture begin!

To make a long story short, I was able to get myself together while the kids were gone and when they got back we all headed out for our little road trip. We listened to Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs on cd along with Cindy-Lou Who's new Taylor Swift cd (I make no apologies, we both love her...the boys roll their eyes and we choose to ignore them).

It was a day of leisurely visiting and kids belly laughing. Super-boy and Cindy-Lou Who took a ride out in their uncle's wagon which was hitched to the back of a tractor. Believe me, they were in their glory. Dynamite wanted to get on, but he didn't want to get on, if you get my drift. He kept crying, "wa-non! wanon!", but every time I would try to put him in, he would wrap his arms around my neck in a death grip. Maybe next time...

So, in spite of my forgetfulness this morning, it turned out to be a really pleasant day. Ending with a little bit of Moonlight Sonata, which is way more relaxing than the way it started out.

The Muffins Can Wait

"Mom, how do you spell 'Grandpa -------'?". Or "Mom, how do you spell 'You are my best friend and I love you'?". (I know I'm messing up my punctuation here, fellow English nerds--I will get out my MLA and straighten myself out, I promise). And so, I begin slowly, "M-o-m...".

I really want to bake muffins today. I want to do something that requires my complete attention and have zero interruptions. But my husband so gently broke it to me today, "I don't know if you're going to get that...this...year". Nice. And I may not. So, how do I cope? How do I manage to feel fulfilled when right now, as I'm typing, Dynamite is spilling Cheerios all over the floor that I just swept. Cindy-lou Who continues to call out her spelling demands from her corner of the living-room , and Super-boy stands here chattering in my ear about Pokemon.

...And now Super-boy is doing somersaults off the couch...
...And now Dynamite is emptying my pan cupboard...

Perhaps surrender is the answer. Lay it down. Right now, I need to be content with what is before me and recognize that being in the will of God is fulfilling my responsibilities at this very moment in time. At this very moment, it is my duty to gently get my children headed toward bed. To read a story, brush their teeth and say prayers...without gritting my teeth and doing so in the most hurried manner possible. It is my blessing to be able to kiss them on their foreheads and tell them that they are loved and that they are good.

And to tell myself that the muffins can wait. To be fully present. Wow, it is so hard to do that. But for tonight, I will do my best.

A Time to Dance

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under
heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up
what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep; and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek and a time to lose;

a time to rend, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

Today, my Aunt Eileen and I buried my grandma. She has been gone for over a year now and my aunt has had her ashes in an urn at her house. We finally felt it was time to lay her down to rest. It was a beautiful fall day, full of autumn breezes, one that my grandma would have basked in.

My aunt and I shared a lot of great memories and knew that grandma was laughing right along with us. One of the greatest things about her was that when she laughed, her shoulders shook up and down. Even if there was not a sound coming out of her mouth, her body was jiggling.

Right after my biological father died, my grandma and aunt went to a group meeting that they were told would help them cope with their loss. The group began by going around and making introductions. The first person they came to said, "My name is _____ and I have terrible anxiety. I can't even go to the grocery store without having a panic attack". The second person, "My name is _____ and I break out in to cold sweats when I leave the house". As the introductions continued, my grandma and aunt realized they were in a group for people who suffer from agoraphobia. My aunt remembers that out of the corner of her eye, she saw my grandma's shoulders start to shake up and down uncontrollably.

Even in the midst of unbearable pain, there is reason for laughter. We have certainly grieved, but today we celebrated and did so with a smile.

Easy Chicken Parmesan

Just a recipe for you to try out. Super easy and very enjoyable. I generally use my homemade spaghetti sauce with this, but I've also grabbed a jar of Bertoli and that works nicely also. Enjoy!http://recipes.epicurean.com/recipe/854/easy-chicken-parmesan.html

European-style Cooking

For years I've tried to get more organized when it comes to my grocery list. I have tried to make one or two week meal plans in an effort to frequent the grocery stores less-frequently. ;-) I have tried switching up my shopping days. It sounds trite and maybe a little OCD, but when you have three kids, it's not that easy to pick-up and pop-in to the store.

Since Cindly-Lou Who (5) and Wonderboy (7) have started school, I have found that the Italian approach to grocery shopping and meal planning works best in our house. That is: "It's 11 a.m., hmmm...what should we have for dinner tonight?". And then, we proceed to the store to purchase said items. Of course, I look to see what I have at home first and then go from there. But when I was making the one/two week meal plans, a lot of times I just wouldn't feel like making that basil chicken when Thursday rolled around. And now that Dynamite (2) is the only one at home in the morning, it is easy for us to pick-up and pop-in. Not only is less food going to waste, but I am really enjoying meal time more! If I've had a rough day, I pull something out of the freezer.

When I stayed in Italy for a few months, we would literally go to the market each day by foot or bike and pick up the ingredients for that night's meal. (On a bike-worthy day, I will take Dynamite in the bike trailer).

Doing this slows things down, makes it less about the finished product and more about enjoying pulling it all together. The meal is made from fresh ingredients and it gives you an opportunity to tap in to those creative juices that might be flowing.

I share this in hopes that it may help some struggling moms. I know this is not a good fit for everyone (it wasn't for me last year!), but it may be for some. Happy cooking!

Last night, I went to bed thinking, "Tomorrow will be a better day." Today, I woke up thinking, "Ugh, I still feel awful."

Most of you know that I've been taking prednisone for my eczema. Between that and the onset of shorter days (less sunlight), I've been feeling a little gloomy. Okay, that's a euphamism. I've been feeling like burying my head in a pillow and bawling my eyes out. There is no logical reason for this, and as much as I tell myself that, I still feel blue.

So today, I am going to do an experiment. I feel like staying in my pajamas and letting Dynamite watch Sesame Street, but instead, I am going to "rally," as my Sourpatch friend says. I am going to get dressed and head out, enjoy the sunshine. Mind over matter. I'm going to find a great recipe for dinner and do a load of laundry (with some cherry blossom fabric softener).

I will let you all know how it goes.
"Energy and persistence conquer all things." Benjamin Franklin